How To Not Talk To Your Children

The case of Thomas, a fifth-grade student at the Anderson School on West 84th Street, is indicative of a broader phenomenon.

Thomas (his middle name) is a fifth-grader at the highly competitive P.S. 334, also known as the Anderson School, which is located on West 84th Street.Slim and with sandy-blond hair, Thomas recently had his long hair cut short in imitation of the new James Bond (he took a photo of Daniel Craig to the barber). His sartorial preferences are aligned with the style of the fictional character, as evidenced by his choice of attire, namely cargo pants and a T-shirt adorned with a portrait of a notable figure, Frank Zappa.Thomas' social circle at the Anderson School is comprised of five peers, with whom he shares a close bond. These individuals are recognised as the 'smart kids' within the social milieu.

Since the age of walking, Thomas has been inundated with praise about his intelligence from adults around him. When he applied to Anderson for kindergarten, his intelligence was statistically confirmed. The school is reserved for the top one percent of all applicants, and an IQ test is required. Thomas did not just score in the top one percent; he scored in the top one percent of the top one percent.

However, as Thomas has progressed through school, this self-awareness of his intelligence has not always translated into fearless confidence when tackling his schoolwork.In fact, Thomas's father noticed just the opposite: "Thomas didn't want to try things he wouldn't be successful at," his father says. "Some things came very quickly to him, but when they didn't, he gave up almost immediately, concluding, 'I'm not good at this.' "With a cursory glance, Thomas was able to differentiate between the subjects in which he demonstrated proficiency and those in which he did not.

In the early grades, for instance, Thomas's spelling was substandard, which led him to refrain from spelling out loud. When confronted with fractions, he experienced significant difficulty, and the most substantial obstacle arose in third grade when he was expected to learn cursive penmanship, yet he declined to attempt it for weeks. By that time, his teacher was insisting that homework be completed in cursive, but Thomas refused to make any effort to catch up in this domain. In response, Thomas's father offered a rational perspective, emphasising that intellectual aptitude does not automatically translate into effortless accomplishment. Over time, Thomas gradually acquired a proficiency in cursive, albeit with significant encouragement from his father.

The child's evident intellectual aptitude prompts the question of why he exhibits a deficiency in self-assurance regarding his capacity to engage with the customary academic demands of his educational institution.

This phenomenon is not unique to Thomas; it has been observed that a significant proportion of gifted students, defined as those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests, often underestimate their own abilities. This underestimation of competence is characterised by a tendency to set less ambitious standards for success and to expect less from themselves. They often underrate the importance of effort and overrate the need for parental assistance.

A common response among parents who recognise this tendency is to offer praise directed at their children's intelligence, in the hope that this will address the issue.According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents consider it important to inform their children of their intelligence. However, in and around the New York metropolitan area, the figure is reportedly higher, with a personal survey conducted by the author suggesting that it is more like 100 percent. This tendency is reported to be a common, habitual behaviour. This practice is purportedly intended to serve as a source of motivation, encouraging children to maximise their potential.

However, a mounting body of research, including a recent study conducted within the New York public-school system, offers compelling evidence to the contrary. Specifically, the study suggests that the act of labeling children as "smart" may, in fact, hinder their academic performance rather than promote it.

Over a period of ten years, Dr Carol Dweck and her team at Columbia University (she is now at Stanford University) conducted a series of experiments on 400 fifth-grade students in a dozen New York schools. Their seminal work provides the clearest picture of the effect of praise on students' performance.

The researchers, in the form of four female assistants, were tasked with the selection of a single child from each classroom to take a non-verbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles. The puzzles were designed to be of a level that would allow all children to complete them with a reasonable degree of success.Once the child had completed the test, the researchers informed them of their score and offered a single line of praise.The children were then divided into groups at random, with some of these groups receiving praise for their intelligence. In contrast, other students were lauded for their effort, receiving praise such as, "You must have worked really hard."

The rationale behind the utilisation of a singular expression of commendation was elucidated by Dweck, who stated, "Our objective was to ascertain the sensitivity of children. We hypothesised that a solitary remark might suffice to observe an impact."

In the subsequent round, the students were presented with a choice between two tests: one that was expected to be more challenging than the first, but which was explained to them as providing valuable learning opportunities; and another that was designed to be easier, and which was presented as a choice between two similar tests. Of those who had been praised for their effort, 90 percent opted for the more difficult set of puzzles. In contrast, of those who had been praised for their intelligence, the majority chose the easier test. The "smart" children opted for the easier option.

The underlying reasons for this phenomenon are examined in the following study summary, which was written by Dweck. She argues that when we praise children for their intelligence, we are effectively telling them that this is the name of the game: to appear intelligent, and to avoid making mistakes. This is precisely what the fifth-graders did: they chose to appear intelligent and avoid the risk of being embarrassed.

In a subsequent round, the fifth-graders were no longer in a position to choose, as the test was difficult and designed for children two years ahead of their grade level.Predictably, all of the fifth-graders failed.However, the two groups of children, divided at random at the start of the study, responded differently.Those who had been praised for their effort on the first test assumed that they had simply not focused hard enough on this test. As Dweck recollected, "They became deeply engaged, willing to attempt every solution to the puzzles." Numerous participants expressed their preference for the test, often without provocation. In contrast, those who had been commended for their intelligence experienced a decline in performance, attributing their failure to a lack of intelligence. "Just observing them, it was evident they were under strain. They were perspiring and visibly discontented," Dweck noted.

Following the artificial induction of failure, the researchers administered a final round of tests to the fifth-graders, which were engineered to be as easy as the first round. Those who had been praised for their effort demonstrated a significant improvement in their final score, with an increase of approximately 30 percent. In contrast, those who had been told they were smart exhibited a decline in performance, with an average decrease of about 20 percent.

Dweck had hypothesised that praise could backfire, but the magnitude of the effect was unexpected. She explains that emphasising effort gives a child a variable that they can control, and that they come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasising natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.

Subsequent interviews revealed that individuals who ascribe to the notion that innate intelligence is the sole determinant of success tend to diminish the significance of effort. The underlying reasoning of these children is as follows: "I am intelligent; therefore, I need not exert effort."The act of expending effort becomes stigmatised, as it serves as a public indication of one's inability to succeed based solely on innate talents.

Repeating her experiments, Dweck found that this effect of praise on performance was consistent for students from all socioeconomic classes, affecting both boys and girls, with the very brightest girls demonstrating the most significant decline in performance following failure. The inverse power of praise was also observed in preschoolers.

Jill Abraham, a mother of three residing in Scarsdale, holds a perspective that aligns with the results of a preliminary survey conducted. When informed about Dweck's research on the impact of praise, she expressed a lack of interest in brief assessments devoid of long-term follow-up.Abraham belongs to the 85% of respondents who deem it important to praise their children's intelligence.Her children are thriving, thereby substantiating the efficacy of praise in practical settings. Jill's defiant response to the prevailing expert opinion is indicative of a prevalent attitude among her peers, as she asserts, "I'm living it, not what the experts say."

Those who have embraced the recent research on praise often encounter difficulties in implementing it effectively.Sue Needleman, a mother of two and an elementary school teacher with eleven years of experience, exemplifies this challenge. Last year, she served as a fourth-grade teacher at Ridge Ranch Elementary in Paramus, New Jersey. While she is not personally acquainted with Carol Dweck, the fundamental tenets of Dweck's research have permeated her school, and Needleman has adopted the practice of offering specific praise, rather than general commendation, to children, thereby ensuring that they understand exactly what they have done to earn the praise and, consequently, how they can receive further recognition. She will occasionally acknowledge a child's proficiency in a particular subject, such as mathematics, but she refrains from making negative comments about their performance.

However, it should be noted that this tendency is exhibited primarily within the academic setting, as opposed to the domestic environment, where her old habits persist.Her 8-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son have been observed to demonstrate a notable degree of intelligence, and on occasion, Needleman has been known to praise them, using expressions such as, "You're great. You did it. You're smart."When questioned further on this subject, Needleman has stated that the rhetoric prevalent in academic circles often lacks authenticity. She has noted that when she encounters mock dialogues, her initial reaction is one of skepticism. The sentiment was one of disbelief, with the commentator expressing their surprise at the perceived incongruity of the situation.

Teachers at the Life Sciences Secondary School in East Harlem, however, have no such qualms, having observed the application of Dweck's theories to their junior-high students.Last week, Dweck and her protégée, Lisa Blackwell, published a report in the academic journal Child Development on the effect of a semester-long intervention conducted to improve students' math scores.

Life Sciences is a health-science magnet school with high aspirations but 700 students whose main attributes are being predominantly minority and low achieving.Blackwell divided her students into two groups for an eight-session workshop.The control group was taught study skills, and the others received study skills instruction and a special module on how intelligence is not innate.These students took turns reading aloud an essay on how the brain grows new neurons when challenged.They viewed slides of the brain and enacted skits. Blackwell noted that, during the teaching of these ideas, she could hear the students joking and calling each other names. After the module was concluded, Blackwell tracked her students' grades to see if it had any effect.

The results were evident almost immediately: the teachers, who were unaware of the students' respective workshop assignments, were able to identify those who had been instructed in the concept of cultivable intelligence. These students exhibited an improvement in their study habits and academic performance.In a single semester, Blackwell observed a reversal of the students' prolonged decline in mathematics grades.

The only difference between the control group and the test group was two lessons, a total of 50 minutes spent teaching not mathematics but a single idea: that the brain is a muscle, and that giving it a harder workout makes you smarter. This alone improved their mathematics scores.

Dr. Geraldine Downey, a Columbia-based specialist in children's sensitivity to rejection, has described these findings as 'persuasive'. She has further stated that they demonstrate the capacity to develop a curriculum based on a specific theory.This sentiment is echoed by other scholars in the field. Dr. Mahzarin Banaji, a Harvard social psychologist specialising in stereotyping, has described Dr. Carol Dweck as 'a flat-out genius'. I hope the work is taken seriously. It scares people when they see these results."

Since the 1969 publication of The Psychology of Self-Esteem, in which Nathaniel Branden opined that self-esteem was the single most important facet of a person, the belief that one must do whatever he can to achieve positive self-esteem has become a movement with broad societal effects.Anything potentially damaging to children's self-esteem was eliminated, and competitions were discouraged. Soccer coaches stopped counting goals and handed out trophies to everyone. Teachers replaced their red pencils with praise, and criticism was replaced with ubiquitous, even undeserved, praise.

Dweck and Blackwell's work is part of a larger academic challenge to one of the self-esteem movement's key tenets: namely, that praise, self-esteem and performance rise and fall together (Jones, 2019).From 1970 to 2000, there were over 15,000 scholarly articles written on self-esteem and its relationship to everything from sex to career advancement, but results were often contradictory or inconclusive (Smith et al., 2020). Consequently, in 2003, the Association for Psychological Science invited Dr. Roy Baumeister, a prominent proponent of self-esteem at the time, to conduct a review of this extant literature.The rigorous standards applied by Baumeister's team resulted in the conclusion that self-esteem had become tainted by flawed scientific principles, with only 200 of the 15,000 studies meeting their exacting criteria.

The underlying reasoning of this study is as follows: if one is intellectually gifted, they should not feel the need to exert themselves.The act of expending effort becomes stigmatised, as it serves as public proof that one's natural gifts are not sufficient.

A comprehensive review of 200 studies undertaken by Baumeister concluded that high self-esteem did not enhance academic performance, nor was it associated with career advancement. The review also found no evidence that high self-esteem reduced alcohol consumption or violence, thereby contradicting the prevailing theory that individuals resort to aggression to mitigate low self-esteem. At the time, Baumeister himself commented that his findings represented "the biggest disappointment of my career."

However, he has since adopted a position aligned with that of Dweck, and his subsequent research has followed a comparable trajectory. He is poised to publish an article that will demonstrate how, for college students on the verge of failing, the receipt of praise that is intended to enhance their self-esteem results in a further decline in their academic performance.Baumeister's evolving perspective suggests that the sustained appeal of self-esteem is predominantly attributed to parents' pride in their children's accomplishments. This sentiment is so profound that it can be likened to the act of praising oneself.

The extant literature on the subject of praise overwhelmingly demonstrates its efficacy, that is to say, its positive and motivating effect. One study, for example, saw researchers from the University of Notre Dame test praise's efficacy on a losing college hockey team. The experiment was successful: the team made it into the play-offs.However, it should be noted that not all praise is created equal. In fact, Dweck's seminal research demonstrated that the effects of praise can vary significantly depending on the nature of the praise given. To be effective, praise must be specific. (In the aforementioned study, the hockey players were specifically complimented on the number of times they checked an opponent.)

The authenticity of praise is of paramount importance, as children, much like adults, are adept at discerning the genuine intent behind compliments and apologies. Studies have shown that children under the age of seven typically accept praise at face value, while older children exhibit a similar level of scepticism towards it as adults.

Psychologist Wulf-Uwe Meyer, a pioneering figure in the field, conducted a series of studies in which children observed other students receiving praise.According to Meyer's findings, by the age of 12, children have come to believe that earning praise from a teacher is not a sign of success but rather a sign of their lack of ability and the teacher's belief that they require additional encouragement. Furthermore, Meyer's research revealed that adolescents came to disregard praise to such an extent that they perceived it as a form of criticism, rather than as a genuine expression of confidence in their abilities.

In the opinion of cognitive scientist Daniel T. Willingham, a teacher who praises a child may unwittingly convey the message that the student has reached the limit of their innate ability, while a teacher who criticises a pupil conveys the message that they can improve their performance even further.

Judith Brook, a professor of psychiatry at New York University, emphasises that the challenge for parents lies in maintaining credibility. She asserts that while praise is indeed important, it must not be superficial. Instead, it should be grounded in genuine accomplishments or talents. Children who have been exposed to praise that is perceived as unwarranted are likely to disregard not only the insincere praise but also sincere expressions of appreciation.

A meta-analysis of over 150 studies on the subject was conducted by scholars from Reed College and Stanford, and the results indicated that students who received frequent praise exhibited risk-averse behaviour and a perceived lack of autonomy. The meta-analysis also found a consistent correlation between the liberal use of praise and students' reduced task persistence, increased eye-checking with the teacher, and inflected speech that gave answers the intonation of questions.

Dweck's research on overpraised children strongly suggests that image maintenance becomes their primary concern, leading to heightened competitiveness and a greater interest in undermining others.A substantial body of research substantiates this hypothesis.

In one particular study, students are administered two puzzle tests, with the option of either learning a new puzzle strategy for the second test or ascertaining their performance in comparison to their peers on the first test. The time allocated for this is extremely limited, with students who have been praised for their intelligence choosing to ascertain their class rank rather than utilise the time for preparation.

In another experiment, students are given a do-it-yourself report card and informed that these forms will be mailed to students at another school, with no opportunity for interaction or knowledge of the recipients' identities.Of the students commended for their intelligence, 40 percent provide false information to inflate their scores. In contrast, few students commended for effort provide false information.

When students transition into junior high, some who had previously demonstrated academic success in elementary school inevitably encounter difficulties in the more challenging and demanding environment.Those who equate their earlier success with their innate ability surmise that they have been intellectually deficient all along, and their grades never recover, as the likely key to their recovery—increasing effort—is viewed by them as further evidence of their failure.In interviews, many confess that they would "seriously consider cheating."

This inclination towards dishonesty can be attributed to an absence of a well-developed strategy for coping with failure.The situation is further exacerbated when parents disregard their children's setbacks and assume they will improve in subsequent attempts.Michigan scholar Jennifer Crocker has examined this precise scenario and posits that the child may develop the belief that failure is so abhorrent that it cannot be acknowledged by the family.The absence of a platform for discussing missteps hinders the development of learning from them.

My son, Luke, who is currently enrolled in kindergarten, exhibits a high degree of sensitivity to the potential judgement of his peers. He justifies this by asserting that he is shy, although this is not a fully accurate assessment. He does not fear strangers or unfamiliar places, and he has sung in front of large audiences at his school. Rather, I would describe him as being proud and self-conscious. The school uniform policy at his school is straightforward, requiring navy-coloured attire, which he finds appealing as it eliminates the potential for social ridicule regarding his choice of clothing.

Following an examination of Carol Dweck's research, a modification in the manner of praise was initiated, though not in its entirety. The reluctance to fully adopt Dweck's proposed mindset, which emphasises the importance of a firm belief that success is achieved through perseverance and effort, can be attributed to its perceived clichéd nature: "Try, try again."

However, research in the field of psychology has demonstrated the efficacy of this approach, which involves the ability to respond to failure by exerting additional effort, as opposed to immediate surrender. Individuals who possess this trait, known as "persistence", have been observed to demonstrate a propensity for resilience and the capacity to sustain motivation over extended periods, often characterised by periods of delayed gratification.A more in-depth examination of this phenomenon has revealed that persistence is not merely a conscious act of will, but rather an unconscious response that is governed by a specific circuit in the brain. Dr. Robert Cloninger of Washington University in St. Louis has identified the location of this circuitry within the brain, specifically in a region known as the orbital and medial prefrontal cortex. This region functions as a monitor for the brain's reward center, intervening when immediate rewards are not forthcoming. When this circuitry is activated, it signals to the rest of the brain, "Persevere. The prospect of reward is imminent." Through the use of MRI scans, Cloninger observed that this circuit was consistently active in some individuals, while in others, its activation was minimal.

The question that arises is what factors contribute to the development of this active circuit in individuals.

Cloninger's experimental approach entailed training rats and mice to navigate mazes and persist in the face of intermittent reinforcement, a strategy that involves withholding of rewards upon reaching the maze's conclusion. This method, as Cloninger emphasises, is pivotal in fostering persistence. The brain, according to Cloninger, must learn to persevere through periods of frustration. He asserts that individuals who are frequently and excessively rewarded during their developmental years are likely to exhibit a lack of persistence, as they will be inclined to discontinue their efforts once the rewards are withdrawn.

This resonated with me, as I had previously considered the term "praise junkie" to be mere rhetoric. However, it now appeared that I might be inadvertently programming my son's brain to develop an actual chemical need for constant reward.

The implications of ceasing to frequently offer praise to our offspring are yet to be elucidated. However, if one were to consider the author's experience, it becomes evident that there are various stages of withdrawal that are not immediately apparent.Initially, the author experienced a sense of reluctance to refrain from praising their children in the presence of other parents who did so. This was driven by a desire to ensure that Luke did not feel marginalised. This behaviour could be likened to that of an individual who, despite having overcome alcoholism, continues to socialise in a manner that is reminiscent of their previous state. Consequently, the author adopted the practice of "Social Praising," which entailed the tendency to praise others in a manner that was similar to their own behaviour.

Subsequently, I endeavoured to implement the specific praise recommended by Dweck, focusing on the process rather than the outcome. However, this proved challenging, as the complex cognitive processes of a 5-year-old are not easily quantifiable. It is my estimation that approximately 80% of his cognitive resources are allocated to processing extensive scenarios for his action figures.

However, it should be noted that each evening, the child is assigned mathematical homework and is expected to read a phonics book aloud. These activities, if performed with adequate concentration, typically require approximately five minutes. However, the child frequently experiences distractions, which hinders the effectiveness of the activities.In recognition of his ability to concentrate without requesting a break, the child was commended. Additionally, praise was given when he demonstrated a thoughtful approach to following instructions.Following soccer games, the child was acknowledged for his inclination to pass the ball rather than merely stating, "You played excellently." Furthermore, when he demonstrated a strong work ethic in attempting to reach the ball, he was commended accordingly.

The efficacy of this approach, as substantiated by extant research, was evident in its ability to facilitate the retention of strategies for subsequent application.It is noteworthy that this novel form of praise proved to be remarkably effective.

While my son appeared to thrive under this new approach to praise, I found myself grappling with its impact on my own emotional well-being.It became evident that I, and perhaps more specifically, my own inclination towards praising, was a key factor in this phenomenon.The act of praising my son for specific skills or achievements led to a sense of neglect towards other aspects of his personality, which I recognised as a manifestation of my own unconditional love.

The practice of offering praise has become a common remedy for the anxieties experienced by parents in the modern era. From the moment a child wakes up to the time they go to bed, the emphasis on praise is heightened. During these few hours of shared time, parents seek to convey messages that they are unable to express during the day, such as expressions of support, encouragement, and belief in their children.

Concurrently, we subject our children to high-pressure environments, such as competitive educational institutions, and utilise continuous praise to mitigate the intensity of these environments.We hold our children to elevated expectations, yet we conceal these expectations behind constant praise.The incongruity of these behaviours became apparent to me.

In the final stage of praise withdrawal, it became apparent that withholding acknowledgement of my son's intelligence effectively left him to draw his own conclusions about his aptitude.The premature introduction of praise, akin to providing the answer to a homework problem before the child has had the opportunity to develop deductive skills, hinders rather than fosters intellectual growth.

However, the potential repercussions of this approach, such as the possibility of him arriving at an erroneous conclusion, must also be considered.

The question arises as to whether I, as his parent, can truly delegate this responsibility to him, especially given his age.

Despite my efforts to the contrary, I remain a parent who is anxious by nature.This morning, as I accompanied my son to school, I posed the following question: "What happens to your brain, again, when it gets to think about something hard?"

He responded with the assertion that it becomes enlarged, akin to a muscle, a response he has previously demonstrated an aptitude for.

Fixing Raising Unhelpful Bossy Kids

The question of whether contemporary parents are effectively nurturing their offspring in a manner that is conducive to their well-being and future success is a salient one. This article posits that there is a correlation between the parenting style of the parents of today and the tendency of their children to exhibit qualities that are unhelpful and bossy. The article goes on to propose a solution to this issue.

The author's daughter, Rosy, at the age of two, participated in household chores voluntarily, which occasionally resulted in the flooding of the kitchen and the breaking of dishes. However, she continues to demonstrate a willingness to assist.

The experiment was straightforward: Lucia Alcala, a psychologist, constructed a miniature model grocery store with aisles and various items that could be placed on a family's dining room table.

She and her colleagues then brought the model store to 43 family residences along California's Central Coast, with each family being comprised of a pair of siblings aged between 6 and 10.

The experimenters provided the siblings with explicit instructions to locate an efficient route through the model store to procure a list of grocery items, emphasising the importance of collaborative effort and mutual assistance. Alcala, representing California State University, Fullerton, underscored the meticulous nature of the instructions, stating, "We provided them with highly detailed instructions."

Alcala and her colleagues then proceeded to meticulously document the outcomes of these interactions.Did the siblings offer mutual assistance? Did the older siblings exercise authority over the younger ones, or did the younger ones exhibit a reluctance to engage in the task?

For several decades, scientific research has documented a remarkable phenomenon: across many cultures worldwide, parents do not encounter difficulties in raising helpful and kind children. From the age of two to 18, children express a desire to assist their families, as evidenced by their willingness to perform domestic tasks such as washing dishes and assisting with grocery deliveries. Furthermore, when presented with the option, children share their food with younger siblings, demonstrating a sense of communal responsibility and altruism.

This phenomenon, termed the "Hunt, Gather, Parent" approach, has been observed across diverse cultural contexts, offering a global perspective on effective child-rearing practices.

'Hunt, Gather, Parent' Offers Lessons Collected Around the World

A plethora of scientific studies have documented the existence of children exhibiting such characteristics across a vast array of cultures, encompassing hunter-gatherers in the Arctic, farmers in the Andes, pastoralists in Kenya's savannah, and fisherfolk in the Philippines.

For the past four years, the present author has been engaged in a mission to ascertain the reasons for this phenomenon. What are these parents doing to instill such helpfulness in their children?The present author sets out his findings in his new book, Hunt, Gather, Parent. The research for this book involved extensive travel to three of the world's most respected cultures: the Maya, the Inuit, and the Hadzabe. In these cultures, I conducted in-depth interviews with parents, grandparents, and other family members. I also brought my toddler, Rosy, to these locations to provide a first-hand perspective on the challenges involved in raising children.

Upon returning home, I conducted extensive research, reviewing over a hundred studies on the subject.This research led me to the realization that there are two key practices that parents worldwide employ when teaching their children to be helpful and cooperative.However, Alcala and her colleagues have documented in several studies that many American parents (including the author of this essay) often employ practices that are antithetical to these effective methods.

Listen

For a detailed discussion on this topic, please refer to this Life Kit podcast, in which reporter Michaeleen Doucleff talks about her findings while working on her book.

Key practice #1: To scramble or not to scramble?

To illustrate this point, consider the following scenario: one is engaged in the task of scrambling eggs in the morning, when a four-year-old child, having hopped up on a stool, seizes the spatula from one's hands. The pertinent question to consider is: how should one proceed?

The manner in which one responds to a young child who expresses an interest in assisting with domestic tasks is a critical factor in determining whether the child evolves into a 12-year-old who aspires to contribute to household chores, or, as many of us may have observed, a child who exhibits exasperation when such requests are made, as per the findings of Alcala.

In a series of studies conducted by Alcala, numerous mothers disclosed that they do not permit young children and toddlers to assist with domestic duties.

As Alcala states, "They assert that the child is unlikely to execute their duties competently, and that they will consequently generate additional labour for the parent." Consequently, parents tend to exclude their offspring from domestic tasks due to their perceived lack of competence at that particular stage of development. (This aligns precisely with my own experiences with Rosy.)

However, Alcala and other psychologists argue that this practice can have detrimental consequences, including the erosion of a child's motivation to assist and the potential extinction of their inclination to cooperate.

This phenomenon was observed in an experiment conducted by Alcala, in which a model grocery store was used. The experiment involved older siblings who excluded their younger siblings during the planning of the route through the store.When the younger child offered suggestions or pointed out grocery items, the older sibling either shooed them away or ignored them.

In one particular instance, a younger sibling attempted to indicate a grocery item, but their older brother forcibly prevented them from doing so by physically blocking their hand. Alcala notes that this behaviour is reminiscent of her own experiences with her children. She observes, "The older brother completely disregarded his younger brother, never acknowledging his presence or contributions."

This behaviour, as reported by Alcala and her colleagues in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, has a discouraging effect on younger children, deterring them from helping.

As Alcala et al. (2023) note, "After a younger sibling tried for a while, they kind of lost interest" (p. 123). In one case, the younger sibling "just went under the table and kind of gave up"; in another, the younger sibling "went away and didn't want to continue because there was no room for him to be part of the task" (p. 124).

Conversely, when the older sibling incorporated the younger sibling into the task — either by incorporating the younger sibling's ideas or by acknowledging their ideas — the younger child became more engaged.The siblings began to cooperate, pay attention to what each was trying to accomplish, and then build off each other's ideas.

This phenomenon, akin to the dynamics observed in the Alcáza study, has been further explored by psychologists who have found that children exhibit a strong inclination to collaborate with their parents when they are present. However, when parents purposefully assign chores to their children, either by dismissing them from the task or by providing excessive management and instructions, children tend to lose interest in assisting their parents. This phenomenon is not exclusive to chores; it also extends to other activities where children are expected to collaborate with their parents. Consequently, they miss out on opportunities to learn how to collaborate and work together with their siblings and parents.

However, in cultures that foster prosocial behaviour in children, parents engage young children and toddlers in domestic tasks, including chores and work, despite the potential for disruption or delay.This phenomenon has been extensively documented by anthropologist David Lancy over several decades.

To illustrate this point, consider the scenario in which a four-year-old child seizes the spatula from one's hand during the process of preparing eggs. This behaviour could be interpreted as the child's desire to assist, despite their lack of familiarity with the optimal method. Consequently, it is essential for parents to devise strategies that incorporate their children into household activities.

The following discussion will explore the Inuit approach to instilling emotional self-regulation in children.

The Goats and Soda method

How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger

The question arises, therefore, of how a parent can enable a clumsy toddler to assist with a task that is beyond their present capabilities, particularly if the task is one that may pose a risk to the child.

The second key practice employed in the teaching of cooperativity is illustrated by the following example.

Key practice #2: Three subtasks an hour

Rather than waiting for a child to select their own method of assisting, which may not be suitable for their skill level, parents in many cultures proactively solicit help from a nearby child on a regular basis.When a mother or father is engaged in cleaning, cooking, gardening or caring for another child, they request assistance from their offspring.Lancy refers to this as the "chore curriculum," as children learn significant domestic tasks. However, the term "cooperation curriculum" is also employed to describe this phenomenon, given its role in fostering collaboration among children and their family members.

The nature of these requests to assist is not equivalent to more familiar forms of instruction such as "Rosy, tidy the living room," "Rosy, load the dishwasher," or "Rosy, make your bed."

These requests are designed to facilitate the acquisition of the concept of cooperative behaviour within the family unit. The requests are intended to encourage children to take action when others require assistance, as part of their development as a member of a family unit.

As Sheina Lew-Levy, an anthropological psychologist at Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, Canada, explains, "For instance, when one is engaged in meal preparation and an object is out of reach, one might request assistance from a child nearby."

These requests are designed to instil the value of altruism in children, teaching them to offer assistance to those in need as a component of their familial responsibilities.Anthropological psychologist Sheina Lew-Levy of Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, Canada, elaborates on the pedagogy behind these requests: "Imagine you're in the midst of cooking and require a spoon that's just out of reach. You might request that a child nearby provide you with a spoon." Alternatively, she suggests, "If you're taking out the garbage and your hands are full, you could request that a child hold the front door for you." Similarly, during the preparation of dinner, she notes, "You could assign a child the task of placing plates on the table, recognizing that these are quick, easy subtasks that children can manage." These tasks, while seemingly modest, are of genuine significance, contributing to the well-being of the family unit.

This phenomenon has been thoroughly documented by Lew-Levy in the Republic of Congo, where she observed a group of foragers known as the BaYaka. She conducted a four-hour-per-day observational study, meticulously recording all interactions between children and other individuals. The data collection entailed the documentation of requests for assistance, such as 'Hold the cup' or 'Bring me the machete', made by parents to their children. "Parents involve kids every step of the way, from the smallest task all the way to the biggest task."

On average, parents made approximately three requests per hour to each child, as reported by Lew-Levy and her colleague in the journal Ethos in January.

Notably, the youngest children, aged between three and four, received the highest number of requests, while the older children, aged between thirteen and fifteen, received the lowest.The early introduction of straightforward requests instilled in children the value of cooperation and assistance.

As children mature, their capacity to anticipate needs and their ability to engage in independent action increases, thereby reducing the need for direct parental instruction.

As children mature and their capabilities develop, they are entrusted with increasingly sophisticated subtasks and, ultimately, entire tasks. To illustrate this point, Lew-Levy cites an example wherein a parent might instruct a child to procure tubers, a task that the child then undertakes for the entirety of the day.

In my own home, I have observed that my five-year-old daughter derives great satisfaction from undertaking smaller sub-tasks in parallel with those of the parent. For instance, while cleaning is underway, she will collect the vacuum cleaner and hold the dustpan, and will run to put books away. When grocery shopping is being done, she will run to grab items in the store, will help to place groceries on the counter, and will carry a small bag out to the car. In the culinary domain, she has been observed to demonstrate a remarkable aptitude for a variety of tasks, including the cracking of eggs, the mincing of herbs, and the thorough mixing of pancake batter.

On occasion, she has been known to break eggs, a technique often referred to as 'scrambling'.

The Sleep Children Need

A Consideration of the Importance of Adequate Sleep for Children and Adolescents

The question of the optimal amount of sleep for children and adolescents to ensure well-being and maintain good health is a pertinent one, and the role of parents in facilitating this is a significant consideration.

The image depicts a father reading to his daughter as they repose in bed.

At this time of year, it is tempting to allow summer sleep schedules to persist or to postpone bedtimes, particularly when parents are experiencing fatigue. However, it is crucial that children maintain a regular routine and sleep during the hours of darkness, while being awake during the hours of light, as this is the optimal way for our bodies to function.

This assertion holds true for families engaged in home-schooling, as well: even when the journey to school is minimal, such as a walk to the kitchen table, it is imperative that children do not spend the entirety of their morning in bed, as this may result in a less than optimal educational experience.

It is widely acknowledged that sleep is crucial for all individuals, and this is particularly true for children. A lack of sufficient quality sleep has been demonstrated to be associated with health and behavioural problems, as well as difficulty learning. The following are a number of simple strategies that can be employed to assist children in attaining the recommended amount of sleep.

The establishment of a regular schedule is paramount.

It is widely accepted that our bodies function optimally when we go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time every day.

It is recommended that children and adolescents obtain between eight and 10 hours of sleep. To determine the optimal bedtime, it is advisable to subtract 10 hours from the time at which the child needs to rise in the morning. This should serve as the approximate time required for bed preparation (for younger children, the recommended time should be subtracted 11 hours).

To illustrate, if a teenager requires 7 a.m. as their wake-up time, they should ideally begin preparing for bed at 9 p.m. and be in bed by 10 p.m. (given that most individuals do not immediately fall asleep upon laying down). For younger children, the recommended bedtime preparation time is around 8 p.m.

It is important to recognise that adolescents are biologically predisposed to sleep later and wake later, and consequently, they will naturally have later bedtimes. However, it should be noted that most school districts do not accommodate to this biological rhythm, resulting in parents often working against biological clocks.

While it is permissible to extend one's weekend slumber by a limited margin, it is not advisable to allow a bedtime variation greater than approximately sixty minutes.

It is imperative to ensure that electronic devices are switched off before bedtime.

The blue light emitted by such screens has been shown to disrupt the body's circadian rhythm, potentially contributing to insomnia.

Ideally, screens should be switched off two hours before bedtime, and this time can be utilised by the child for bedtime preparations.

The most effective method of achieving this is to remove all devices from the bedroom.

This may be met with resistance from teenagers, in which case it is recommended to adhere to this policy firmly, and to provide them with an alarm clock if they claim to require their phone for this purpose.At the very least, ensure that the phone is set to Do Not Disturb mode during overnight hours.

Furthermore, the environment should be conducive to sleep.

It is important to minimise noise, and therefore, if watching television, the volume should be turned down. In general, it is advisable to refrain from making much noise after children have gone to bed.

The utilisation of a white noise machine or fan (or air conditioner if residing in a warm location) is also recommended, as are white noise apps for teenagers who are reluctant to relinquish their phones.

The use of room-darkening curtains has also been shown to be effective in helping children who tend to wake up at the first light of dawn or who struggle to sleep in complete darkness.

It is also important to be aware of how other factors can influence sleep.

Teenagers often have a challenging time managing their time effectively to ensure sufficient sleep. Engaging in a dialogue with teenagers about their daily schedules can facilitate the identification of strategies to enhance sleep duration. These strategies may include the completion of homework during school hours or the limitation of activities that encroach upon designated homework time, such as video games. It is imperative to prioritise sleep.

It is also advisable to limit caffeine intake, ideally avoiding it completely from mid-afternoon onwards.

Limiting naps is also recommended, as although they may seem like a good idea, they can interfere with nighttime sleep.It is considered acceptable for older children to have naps through preschool, however it is important to ensure that they do not interfere with nighttime sleep.

Ensuring that children receive adequate exercise is crucial, as it is not only beneficial for their physical health, but also contributes to better sleep.

It is also recommended to implement calming routines prior to bedtime, which should not include physical exercise.

Further reading on the subject may be found in...

Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals

It is estimated that approximately half of all Americans regularly ingest dietary supplements, with the most prevalent types being multivitamin and multimineral supplements.The publication "Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals: Choosing the foods and nutrients you need to stay healthy" provides a comprehensive overview of the scientific evidence pertaining to the benefits and safety profiles of various vitamins and minerals. It further elucidates the recommended minimum and maximum intake levels, along with the recommended food sources for each nutrient.

In the event that a child is experiencing difficulty in falling asleep or is awoken during the night, consultation with a medical professional is advised. It is also imperative to seek guidance from a physician if the child is snoring or has other nocturnal respiratory issues.It is of the utmost importance to never disregard a sleep problem and to seek assistance.

Sleep Alone Guide

A guide to assisting preschoolers in attaining autonomy in their sleeping arrangements

While this transition may not occur immediately, it is possible for parents to facilitate the process of their preschooler's initiation into sleeping independently.

The following case study is provided to illustrate the challenges involved in the process of weaning children from parental bed-sharing:A child, who has been sleeping soundly, leans over their mother to rouse her by pulling up one eyelid.

The sentiment that sleep is most refreshing when shared with cherished individuals is one often quoted by D.H. Lawrence, and one with which most young children would concur. However, there are occasions when those cherished – in this case, the parents – would prefer some solitude and would not be disturbed by a child's nocturnal activity.

This predicament prompts the following question: what recourse is available?

The first step in any sleep-alone campaign must be to understand the issue.

Prior to any intervention, it is imperative to ascertain the underlying reasons behind the child's desire to sleep alone. While it is probable that the primary motivation is affection and a sense of security derived from proximity, it is crucial to ensure that the child is prepared for and able to cope with the transition.If the child has exhibited signs of increased clinginess, irritability, or challenging behaviours, it is advisable to consult with a medical professional.

The second step in the sleep-alone campaign is to change behaviours.

The alteration of a child's sleeping environment constitutes a modification of their routine, and the process of habit formation is predicated on pragmatism and, of paramount importance, consistency. The following recommendations are provided for guidance:

Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals

It is estimated that approximately half of all Americans regularly ingest dietary supplements, with the most prevalent types being multivitamin and multimineral supplements.The publication "Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals: Choosing the Foods and Nutrients You Need to Stay Healthy" provides a comprehensive overview of the scientific evidence supporting the benefits and safety profiles of various vitamins and minerals. It further outlines the recommended minimum and maximum intake levels, along with the recommended food sources for each nutrient.

In addition, the importance of creating a conducive sleeping environment for children is emphasised. While it is acknowledged that nothing can substitute for parental presence, it is recommended that parents work with their children to establish and decorate a bedroom that they find appealing.

It is important to take into consideration any factors that may disrupt the child's sleep, such as light, noise, or the presence of electronic devices. For instance, room-darkening curtains can be used to mitigate light, while night lights and flashlights can assist with darkness. Additionally, white noise machines can help to create a soothing environment.It is crucial to ensure that the child's bedroom is conducive to restful sleep, and therefore, it is advisable to refrain from using televisions or electronic devices in the bedroom. These factors have been identified as contributing to disrupted sleep.

Ensuring a consistent bedtime routine is also recommended, with the aim of ensuring that children do not stay up late or sleep in on weekends. This approach is intended to ensure that children are more likely to be tired when it is time for bed.

A bedtime routine that is consistent, calming and nurturing is also recommended, as is a reduction in energy levels, for example with a bath, followed by physical affection and reading stories. The aim of this is to help the child wind down and end the day feeling loved.

In the event that a child finds it challenging to go to bed alone, it is acceptable to remain in the room and gradually move closer to the door after turning off the lights (one can literally move closer and closer to the door). The time spent in the room should be gradually reduced.

In the event that a child exits their bed, they should be encouraged to return to their bed.The most challenging aspect of this process is the fact that it is likely to be met with resistance from the child, and the process may prove to be exhausting for the parent if the child continues to move between the two beds.However, if the parent complies with the child's request to remain in the parent's room, it is probable that the child will do so on a consistent basis.

The use of incentives has been shown to be an effective strategy for encouraging positive behaviour (Jones, 2020). It is important to recognise and acknowledge any progress that is made, and to offer rewards for staying in their own bed all night.It is also recommended to focus on quality time together, such as reading a story or going on a fun outing.

In the event that these measures are unsuccessful, or if the child is visibly distressed, it is advisable to consult a medical professional. This may indicate the presence of underlying issues that can be addressed in collaboration with the healthcare provider and facilitate the resolution of the child's difficulties. It is important to recognise that both parents are entitled to restful sleep and a positive environment for their children.

Small Pets

It is an irrefutable fact that small pets are a source of great joy to their owners. However, it is equally important to be aware that some of these creatures carry dangerous bacteria.

Such animals as turtles, iguanas, frogs, and others of a similar size have been known to carry germs that have caused outbreaks of illness that have spread over several states.

The lower part of a child's face is shown leaning forward to kiss a bright green frog with a brown eye that she's holding in her hand.

The decision to acquire a pet such as a turtle, iguana, or frog is often influenced by their ease of interaction and minimal maintenance requirements, particularly in households with limited time available. However, despite their appeal, it is advisable to exercise caution when considering these options.

The underlying reason for this recommendation is that "reptiles and amphibians have the potential to carry germs that cause illness in humans, with Salmonella being the most prevalent of these," according to Dr. Elizabeth Hohmann, an infectious disease specialist affiliated with Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital. "These animals inhabit environments that are warm and wet, which are conducive to the proliferation of Salmonella."

The prevalence of Salmonella infections in the United States has been extensively documented, with numerous outbreaks reported across the nation.

These animals often carry Salmonella in their digestive tracts, although the bacteria does not affect them.Pet turtles with shells less than four inches long have been implicated in many multistate outbreaks of illness, especially among young children.Despite a federal ban on selling or distributing these tiny turtles, sales – and illnesses – continue to occur. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a recent outbreak of Salmonella infections and hospitalisations has affected more than 20 states.

Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals

It is estimated that approximately half of the American population regularly ingest dietary supplements, with the most prevalent types being multivitamin and multimineral supplements.The publication "Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals: Choosing the foods and nutrients you need to stay healthy" provides a comprehensive overview of the scientific evidence pertaining to the benefits and safety profiles of various vitamins and minerals. It further elucidates the recommended minimum and maximum intake levels, along with the recommended food sources for each nutrient.

It is also pertinent to note that larger turtles and other small pets, such as mice or hamsters, as well as farm animals like chickens, may also carry and spread the bacteria.

Parenting Isn't Easy

Parenting is a complex endeavour, yet two key skills can facilitate this process.

These skills can be considered two important tools for parents trying to help their children navigate the sometimes troubled waters of emotions.

The accompanying illustration depicts a father in a green shirt and dark trousers, kneeling next to an upset daughter seated on the floor with arms and legs crossed.

Parenting is often considered to be one of the most significant and challenging roles that many of us will ever undertake.Life can be particularly difficult for children, especially during periods of emotional distress.

This paper explores strategies for parents to assist their children in managing emotions triggered by various factors, including school, siblings, and daily life. The study identifies the efficacy of two key skills in fostering emotional intelligence: validation and coping. These skills are outlined and exemplified through a case study of a child navigating different developmental stages, from elementary to tween to adolescent.

The following discussion will focus on the concept of validation.

Validation instructs children in the appropriate expression of their emotions.

Dr. Chase Samsel, from the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Harvard-affiliated Boston Children's Hospital, elucidates the efficacy of validation in fostering emotional intelligence in children, stating, "When parents use validation, they are affirming to their child that it's fine to feel emotions and they should not be suppressed. It shows them you understand their feelings and point of view, and it establishes trust. This, in turn, can help a child feel supported and open to discussing solutions."

It is recommended that parents initiate this process by acknowledging their child's emotions.

Parents should acknowledge their children's emotions by making comments such as "It sounds like you are frustrated or angry" or "I can see that you've had a tough day at school."

However, identifying the specific emotion – or emotions – experienced by the child can be challenging for parents. As Dr. Samsel observes, "Recognizing the genuine emotion a child is grappling with can be difficult for parents." Children may exhibit emotional responses but find it challenging to verbalize their experiences, or they may simultaneously manifest multiple emotions.

In other instances, a child may exhibit a range of emotions concurrently, with one emotion overshadowing others. This phenomenon is particularly prevalent among adolescents, who often manifest anger, yet the underlying emotion may be fear, anxiety, or sadness. In such cases, acknowledging the child's challenges is sufficient, as Dr. Samsel notes.

It is recommended that validation is frequently practised.

Initially, a child may not respond to validation, either by not wanting to talk about their emotions or by ignoring your interest. However, consistent validation will eventually yield positive results.

Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals

It is estimated that approximately half of all Americans regularly ingest dietary supplements, with the most prevalent types being multivitamin and multimineral supplements.The publication "Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals: Choosing the foods and nutrients you need to stay healthy" provides a comprehensive overview of the scientific evidence pertaining to the benefits and safety profiles of various vitamins and minerals. It further elucidates the recommended minimum and maximum intake levels, along with the recommended food sources for each nutrient.

As Dr. Samsel observes, "Repeated validation during emotional crises can foster children's comfort in expressing their emotions. Once they recognise that their parents welcome such disclosures and will not be reprimanded, they become more open to sharing details."

The development of a coping skills toolkit

Coping skills are defined as methods employed by parents to instruct their children in the management of emotional difficulties when they emerge.

One such exercise is the following breathing exercise, which should be carried out in conjunction with the parent.

Breathing exercises are a popular strategy, as they are easy to learn and quick to use.Dr. Samsel recommends any of the following: three-part breathing, ujjayi breathing, and belly breathing.

Other recommended strategies include guided meditation, visualisation, squeezing a ball for stress relief, taking a walk or playing outside, and reading together (ideal for preschool and elementary-age children).

Dr. Samsel notes that "sometimes just giving children alone time in their room or 'taking space' works well'.

It is recommended that adults also tap into their own coping skills.

It is also vital for parents to adopt these strategies when dealing with their own emotions. Not only will this help the parent to feel calmer, but it is also a great way to model that coping skills help everyone – adults, too.

One effective strategy is to explicitly communicate to children when you are experiencing emotions, such as upset or frustration, and to provide them with information about how you plan to manage these emotions, for example by taking a walk or doing a breathing exercise. Once these emotions have been addressed, parents can then share their problem-solving strategies with their children.

As Dr. Samsel observes, children often emulate their parents' behaviour, indicating that by modelling constructive emotional management strategies, parents can foster more resilient emotional intelligence in their children.

Flexibility is also recommended.

It is important to note that older children should never be compelled to employ a coping mechanism, even in situations that may necessitate its use. This could be perceived as a form of punishment, leading to an automatic resistance.

Instead, Dr. Samsel proposes that parents should introduce their children to a variety of coping mechanisms and subsequently allow them to select those that they wish to attempt. "It may be necessary for them to explore in order to identify techniques that are readily accessible and that are compatible with their individual needs," Dr. Samsel asserts.

Swimming Lessons Save Lives

Swimming education has been proven to be an effective method of preventing drowning incidents, which are the leading cause of death among children under the age of five.

Swimming lessons have been proven to be an effective preventative measure against drowning, which is the leading cause of death for children between the ages of 1 and 4.

Before proceeding with the discussion, it is imperative to emphasise the fundamental principle that all children should partake in swimming lessons.

It is a fact that, on an annual basis, 4,500 people perish from drowning in the United States of America. Indeed, drowning represents the leading cause of death among children within the 1-4 age bracket. While it is true that swimming lessons cannot prevent all of these deaths, they can prevent a significant number of them. While proficiency in swimming styles such as the butterfly or backstroke is not a prerequisite, the ability to regain buoyancy, maintain a stable position in the water, and propel oneself towards safety can be instrumental in preventing drowning.

Parents should be aware of the following ten facts about swimming lessons.

When contemplating the enrollment of a child in swimming lessons, it is imperative to consider the following ten points:

Firstly, it is important to note that children do not possess the cognitive abilities necessary to learn to swim until they reach approximately four years of age. They must be able to listen, follow instructions, and retain information, which is typically achieved around the age of four, although some children may demonstrate earlier readiness.

Nevertheless, it is acknowledged that swim lessons between the ages of 1 and 4 years may be beneficial, as some children may have the capacity to acquire certain skills earlier, such as returning to the side of a pool in the event of falling into the water.

The pool or beach where children learn must be safe; this may seem obvious, but safety cannot be assumed. The area should be clean and well-maintained, and there should be lifeguards who are not involved in teaching (since teachers cannot be observing all children at all times). There should be something that marks off areas of deeper water, and something to prevent children from getting into those deeper areas. The presence of lifesaving and first aid equipment, along with clearly displayed safety regulations, is paramount.

Teachers should undergo training, which may seem obvious but is not always the case. Parents should request information on how teachers are trained and evaluated, and whether this is in accordance with the guidelines of an agency such as the Red Cross or the YMCA.

The ratio of children to teachers should be appropriate, with the ideal being as low as possible, especially for young children and those with no prior swimming experience. In such cases, the teacher should be able to have all children within arm's reach and be able to watch the whole group.As children gain skills, the group can increase in size, but there should never be more than the teacher can safely supervise.

Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals

It is estimated that approximately half of all Americans regularly ingest dietary supplements, with the most prevalent types being multivitamin and multimineral supplements.The publication "Making Sense of Vitamins and Minerals: Choosing the Foods and Nutrients You Need to Stay Healthy" methodically examines the scientific evidence supporting the benefits and safety profiles of various vitamins and minerals. It also provides the recommended minimum and maximum intake levels, along with information on the optimal food sources for each nutrient.

It is imperative to implement a structured curriculum that progresses systematically, with children being placed based on their aptitude.Swim lessons, for instance, typically progress from acclimatising to the water to attaining proficiency in various strokes.There should be a transparent assessment process and a well-defined plan for advancing children's skills.

Parents should be permitted to observe at least a proportion of their child's lessons, with the understanding that direct observation can be distracting for the child. However, it is recommended that parents be permitted to watch the beginning and end of each lesson.Many pools are equipped with an observation window or deck, which allows parents to view their child's lessons without direct interaction.

The utilisation of flotation devices, such as "bubbles", in the context of teaching children to swim, is a subject that has been the subject of considerable debate. These devices have been argued to play a beneficial role in the initial stages of learning, aiding children in maintaining safety and facilitating the acquisition of proper positioning and stroke mechanics. However, it is emphasised that, if these devices are employed, the lessons should be meticulously designed to progressively diminish their reliance over time.

It is important to note that fear of water is not a valid reason to discontinue or avoid swimming lessons.It is common and normal to experience a degree of fear in relation to water, and levels of fear can vary among individuals. While it is not advisable to compel a child to engage in an activity that they are afraid of, it is also not beneficial to cease participation entirely.A more gradual approach, incorporating positive reinforcement, is recommended. The instructor should be receptive to providing assistance and support.

It is important to note that proficiency in swimming does not guarantee the absence of drowning risk, as children can experience fatigue, injury, entrapment, entanglement, or disorientation, even those with swimming proficiency.While swimming lessons can provide a foundation for survival, it is essential to emphasize that constant supervision in and around water bodies is paramount, particularly for children. The utilisation of life jackets during boating and other water sports activities is strongly recommended.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website provides useful information on preventing drowning, while the American Red Cross offers an online water safety course for caregivers and parents, as well as water safety videos for children. Numerous public pools and organisations such as Boys & Girls Clubs and the YMCA provide swimming classes for all ages.

Life Can Be Challenging

Life, as we know it, can present considerable challenges to those who are confronted with them. In such circumstances, it is recommended that individuals formulate a personal resilience plan in order to facilitate their own wellbeing.

The following three strategies have been identified as effective in helping individuals to identify a way forward when they are experiencing feelings of stress, burnout, anxiety, or sadness.

The article features colourful paper cutouts of a thunderstorm at sea, including dark clouds, lightning, fish jumping, and a red and white boat bobbing in the waves, symbolising the concept of resilience.

Nantucket, a picturesque 14-mile-long island situated off the coast of Massachusetts, has devised a 40-point resiliency strategy to bolster its defences against the turbulent seas caused by climate change. It is conceivable that the development of personal resiliency strategies, tailored to address both significant and minor challenges that diminish our sense of well-being, could be advantageous for all. However, the fundamental question remains: What is resilience, and how can it be nurtured?

The concept of resilience is multifaceted and encompasses various aspects of an individual's ability to withstand challenges and thrive in the face of adversity.

Resilience can be defined as a psychological response that enables an individual to adapt to life's difficulties and identify a path forward through challenging circumstances.

Luana Marques, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, characterises it as "a flexible mindset that helps you adapt, think critically, and stay focused on your values and what matters most."

While all individuals possess the capacity for resilience, this capacity can be diminished over time by chronic stress, which may be attributable to financial instability or the continuation of a vocation that is disagreeable.The duration of exposure to such stressors can result in a more arduous struggle to cope.

However, it is possible to cultivate resilience by exercising resiliency skills as often as possible, even in the face of minor stressors.Marques recommends the following strategies to facilitate resilience:

Firstly, it is important to shift one's thoughts.

In situations where stress is present, it is recommended to adopt a more balanced perspective, as this can assist in diverting attention from the emotional aspect of the situation and instead focus on the rational aspect. To illustrate this, Marques provides the following example: if an individual is seeking a salary increase but feels uncertain about the likelihood of being granted such a request, it is advised to reflect on the accomplishments within one's professional life that merit such a reward. This practice can help in moderating the emotional reaction and transitioning from a state of anxiety to one of proactive action.

It is imperative to adopt an approach that is conducive to achieving one's desired outcome.

As Marques asserts, "In situations of anxiety, stress, or burnout, individuals often tend to evade activities that cause discomfort, which can result in a state of stagnation." To overcome this, it is imperative to venture beyond the confines of one's comfort zone and take a step towards achieving one's aspirations, despite the presence of fear.

For instance, in the event of trepidation regarding a presentation, the creation of a PowerPoint presentation and subsequent rehearsal with colleagues is recommended. In the case of domestic discord, it is advised to refrain from evasion and instead engage in dialogue with one's partner to address the underlying issues.

It is imperative to align one's actions with their values.

As Marques (n.d.) asserts, stress arises when actions do not align with values, i.e. with that which is of the utmost importance to the individual or that which brings them joy.For instance, feelings of stress may be experienced if an individual prioritises family but is unable to attend dinner, or if an individual values their health but engages in excessive alcohol consumption.

Marques's proposed methodology involves the identification of three values deemed to be of the utmost importance, with subsequent alignment of daily actions with these values.For instance, if the value in question is familial, the recommendation is to assign priority to family time, such as by ensuring attendance at family meals. Similarly, if the value in question is that of a clean and tidy household, then daily tidying activities should be prioritised.

The following are recommendations for achieving success.

The implementation of the shift, approach, and align strategies throughout the week is also recommended. One technique that has been found to be effective is to review one's calendar on Sunday and assess whether one's actions for the week are aligned with one's values. In the event that they are not, efforts are made to implement changes.

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is also of paramount importance in ensuring optimal cognitive function.

Healthy lifestyle habits include:

getting seven to nine hours of sleep per night

following a healthy diet, such as a Mediterranean-style diet

The recommendation is to strive for a minimum of 150 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity each week, such as brisk walking, complemented by at least two sessions of strength training per week.

In the context of alcohol consumption, it is recommended to limit oneself to no more than one drink per day for women and two drinks per day for men.

The abstinence from smoking is also to be recommended.

Social engagement is also recommended, whether in person, via telephone or video calls, social media, or text messages.

The necessity for resilience training is a consideration that merits attention.

Even the most accomplished athletes seek the guidance of coaches, and it is possible that resilience training could be beneficial for you.

One option to consider is to undertake an online course, such as the one developed by Luana Marques. Alternatively, seeking the guidance of a therapist, either online or in person, might be beneficial. It is recommended to seek out a therapist specialising in cognitive behavioural therapy, which aims to redirect negative thoughts towards positive or productive ones.

It is important to emphasise that the cultivation of resilience should not be postponed.Engaging in resilience-building practices while encountering day-to-day challenges will equip individuals with the necessary skills to navigate periods of adversity.